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I Was Almost An Alien Urine Cow For The CIA
yeah. i was out on some distant suburban system near the spiral rift to do some handshaking and familairising with the more distant reps for the Committee for Independant Arts. i'd told them i didn't want to go because of the rumors of disappearances around there. they told me that they held twelve blackmail tokens on me, which i knew was bullshit - i'd never done that much wrong! i went anyway. bastards. our ship got hijacked. some generic weird-ass alien (with an unfamiliar arrangement of arms, legs and eyes) broke into the autopilot and disabled it. we drifted for a while before one of their ships turned up, a dismal-looking hulk with no better than interplanetary capacity. they'd knocked us out of flight right next door to their system. we were herded together and the aliens lumbered about, indicating that they only wanted to take the humanoids with them. uh oh. where are the cops when you need 'em? they didn't deal with us directly. their rep was an incredibly ancient humanoid dummy whose preservation despite obvious age reeked of alien ritual use to me. the cloth face had worn down to shreds; you could see the dull lead-coloured metal frame underneath. the deal: there was some chemical in humanoid urine that these aliens really liked but couldn't easily synthesize, being denied use of nanotech by the Dominion (of course). this started to sound like some stupid kind of compulsory anarchartist theatrical event; the aliens wanted to, no, they *demanded* that we provide them with as much urine as possible. i could see it now. we'd be in little wooden stalls with hoses attached to our various bits (i couldn't really imagine them doing this to the Maracites who'd been on board - no-one was sure if they urinated. still, the aliens captured them, so who knows) and they'd be force-feeding us weak beer. thankfully, the Maracites turned up to investigate the disappearance of their friends. when they found out what had gone onm the Maracite sense of humour was tickled and they agreed to give us a ride to the next ExPort. just before we left i saw the aliens complaining to one of the Maracites, which drew something in the air, hands cupped around a large sphere with something alive (represented by a wiggling finger) attached to the top. for some reason this made me feel very uneasy, particularly when i saw the way this Maracite looked at some of us. i was kind of glad to get off at Millimillenary.
Fri, 9 Apr 1999 |
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