Just Ask Satankitty
Got a problem? Who better to ask than Satankitty?
- Wyzzy asks:
- Dear Satankitty. I have been using the names of characters from obscure books by E.R. Eddison for passwords, but people still keep hacking my account. What can I do?
- Satankitty replies:
- Simple. Unplug your modem and put it in the freezer. You won't notice people messing with your account after this. Rowr!
- Anonymous (Anonymous@anon.penet.fi)asks:
- Hey. I've been listening to L7's album "Bricks Are Heavy" and I'm certain that the song "One More Thing" is about being a lesbian and being annoyed at hetero guys trying to pick you up. Is this true?
- Satankitty replies:
- This is true: you are certain of this sad little misinterpretation. Jesus. You see four women in a band and you instantly assume that any song they write has a lesbian subtext. Christ knows what you made of the lyrics for "Shit List". I suggest you visit your local sheep farmer and ask him about a rubber band you can put around your scrotum until your testicles fall off. Mrowr!
- Hink Nosey asks:
- A few years ago I went to see a stage production of William Gibson's "Neuromancer" at RMIT. The guy who played Case made a dreadfully embarrassing spoonerism at one point: he was asking about those toxic sacs in his bloodstream, and instead he said "Taxic Socks". I can't help giggling hysterically whenever I think about this, but I haven't mentioned it in public in case the actor hears about it and is embarrassed. If he was really concerned about the mistake, it might affect his decision to work in this production in the future. Should I keep quiet about this?
- Satankitty replies:
- Oh, don't bother. You are one of only three people who remember this event. And besides, it didn't stop them from putting the play on again the following year, did it? Mraaap!
- Keghead asks:
- Satankitty: do you have a good recipe for Barshack Gingermead?
- Satankitty replies:
- Yes, I do.
- Boil 7 lbs of light honey, 1.5 lbs of corn sugar, 2-3 oz. freshly grated Ginger Root, 1.5 teaspoons of Gypsum, 1 teaspoon of citric acid, 3 teaspoons of yeast nutrient and 1 oz. of hops in 2 gallons of water.
- Add 1/4 teaspoon of Irish Moss during the final ten minutes of boiling.
- Turn off the heat; at this point you can, if you wish, throw in 1-6 pounds of crushed fruit (sour cherries, blueberries, raspberries, rhubarb, grapes and cranberries).
- Allow this to steep for 15 minutes.
- ... but before I give you the rest of the recipe, you must send me five pilchards. Prrr!
- Cameron Refresher-Towel asks:
- Satankitty! I was at a club last week and I met this incredible woman. She gave me her phone number on a piece of paper, but when I called it the next day I was told that the number wasn't connected. What happened?
- Satankitty replies:
- She was, in fact, the Ghost of the Nightclub. She died ten years ago and haunts the front bar, giving out her phone number to unsuspecting fools. Welcome to the club! Rowwwwr.
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