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Teleporting Dog
i'm watching the Teletubbies. and SUDDENLY! oh my god! it's TELEPORTING DOG! this dog is completely frozen. muscles locked into crystals of ice. it can't even wag its tail. victim of a cruel joke involving a large vat of liquid nitrogen, the dog was frozen into a superconducting array of astonishing power and intellectual capacity! it doesn't move. it doesn't need to. it can flex its frozen crystalline array over microscopic distances to produce a kind of squeaky "wouuwf!" sound. it can teleport repeatedly over a range of two or three yards. it has a light orange-brown head and legs and grey fur over the rest of its body. short ears. collar and badge. completely motionless until it teleports, one or two yards at a time, with a squeaky "wouuwf!" each time it landed. it moves about the lush green fields aimlessly. barking, teleporting. squeeze, bear-down-on-colon *hyperspatial wrench* release "wouuwf!", suddenly its frozen optic array sees something. food, wearing a green costume, trying to be my friend; the thing bounds closer, unfrozen, allowed free motion of its limbs. despite the serene detatchment gained from an endocrine system frozen with liquid nitrogen [1], the Teleporting Dog does hunger. yus it does, ah am sure. This Howling Apparition from the pits did sorely want his feeding, yes he did! the Sun giggled down at them, so they change tense. the dog tries to tear out the throat of the huge gopher in green clothes, but he can't move. if he didn't have the structural integrity of a one-metre cube of titanium steel he'd burst from wanting to bite that thing. he barks. he barks a lot. the green thing seems excited. the dog strains so much that the most active muscle in his entire body partially thaws out. the ice cracks, and the dog's tail can wag. he barks even louder now that he has a means of physical expression. another, larger giant gopher joins the first one. the dog now has TWO giant gophers to savage and by the christ child is he ever HUNGRAH! DAMN IT MAW! WHAREZ MAH VITTLES? the dog goes barking mad. heh. cochina tonta, postal city. he goes apeshit nine ways from sunday. but he can't do nothin' but wag his tail and bark that fucken bark. eventually his psychick intent builds up to danger levels and he simply explodes, his substance shearing along subatomic particle lines, resulting in one last, peculiarly twisted "wouuwf!" (described by spectators as kind of a "twisty sound"), a faint haze of dust almost too faint to be seen and nothing more. the giant gophers prance about for a while then disperse in an orderly fashion.
[1] thanx to Larry Niven for this idea. |
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