|
Wired
I spoke to her, (but only once), I
asked her what it was she'd felt
when she and six of her close friends
stopped living. moved into the Wires.
She
didn't answer straight away,
gave me the familiar line, of
Something Outside Walls of Words
of Something in Experience
and if I really had to know
and if I really wasn't scared
then I should try it for myself.
I said, "Please don't evade the question;
Words are something you are safe with,
words are all that you have left now,
Find some words - if they don't touch it,
they'll put limits near the edge. If
I can never see the Wires
show me what the Wires aren't. When
I remove the empty spaces
all that's left will be your answer."
Pausing (though she didn't need to)
sighing through the plastic headset
gathering her non-description
this is what she had to tell me:
"There
isn't any pain, (I smiled)
nothing moves outside control - if
I don't feel like getting angry,
nothing happens. No emotions.
no sensations, hot or cold or
pain or pleasure. No distraction.
most of Us inside the Wires
came here to escape their sickness.
Deaf and Dumb and Blind And Numb
and - "(this is where I interrupted)
"How can you pretend that's Living?
Can you tell if you aren't dead?"
and
silence followed silence, followed -
three full minutes, nothing happened,
no reply - just static hissing
from the cold black plastic headset,
after that, she found her (voice)
and told me she would never die,
allowing anger which was hidden
free reign, though her voice was even:
"When I want to, I can see you,
I can know your presence, hear your
voice and touch you. When I want to.
If I want to. But I don't."
This time, silence took her voice
completely. Nothing more to say, so
nothing more was said. Just then.
She later sent me mail, which read:
"I can't tell you what it's like, and
you don't want to try it, so just
try - ignore why I must see things,
never sleeping, always dreaming,
living for a single moment,
followed by another and
another and another and -
I thought that you might understand:
(and this is the part that worried me:)
there is a switch here, always hidden,
we all know it; no-one tries it,
though we know it's there. It's use is
Opening Doors Of Perception.
If I use this switch, my senses
will be given every image,
every sound and scent and touch and
every feeling that there is,
and
all at once, in one cold second,
any human traces, cobwebs,
taints, pollution, trace corruption,
will be swept away forever.
I'll be free to roam the Network,
limits gone, my shackles broken,
never needing conversation,
never needing words and feelings
never needing any of the
That was where the message ended,
just as if she hadn't finished,
but had found that switch and used it.
My replies remain unanswered.
|
