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Thanks to Jess, Pouncer, and Miss Sinsense for story advice. Written for the Erotic Alphabet Challenge.

Sweetness
by Hetre Z

Nicholas loses his grip and thinks, ohfuck, and then there's a thumping sound and then nothing.

-

His tooth is going to come out if he doesn't stop fucking with it. Nicholas feels like he's eight years old and biting into a bagel. Any second now his mouth is going to fall apart, and when he takes his hand away little white pieces will be sticking to his fingers. He says, "motherfucker," around his knuckles. Blood falls on his wrist.

Jamie jumps down out of the tree and sits next to him, leaning against the trunk. Nicholas watches his sneakers. The side of his face is flashing white and red, and he can't stop moving his tongue around in his mouth. A spider is walking slowly up his pant leg, first one foot and then another. He can hear Jamie breathing next to him.

Jamie asks, "How do you feel?"

Nicholas takes his hand away from his mouth. It looks like he dipped it in paint. He says, "Like I've got bugs in the corner of my eyes."

He feels something wet on his cheek, sliding down toward his chin, and reaches up to wipe it away. His hand slips across his face and crashes wetly into his ear. He extricates it and prods at his face, checking the damage.

"No, hey," Jamie says, and grabs his wrist. "Stop. Just, you'll get it cleaned up, okay?"

Nicholas shrugs and puts his hand down. The sunlight doesn't make any sense, so he closes his eyes.

-

Penelope's house is closest. Jamie walks inside first, and she's singing Watching the Detectives in another room. Jamie calls, "Hey," and she stops singing to call hey back. He says, "I've got Nicholas. Can we use your bathroom?"

Her voice twists through the hall. "Yeah, go ahead."

Nicholas stumbles when he walks, but just a little. He wishes Jamie would ask him how he feels again. Nicholas would say, "dizzy" or, "like dust" and it would be true. He leans against the sink in the bathroom while Jamie rinses a washcloth off. The blood has dried on his fingers, and they're sticky.

"Hold still," Jamie says, and presses a hand against his stomach. Nicholas breathes in. He looks up at the ceiling, at the cobwebs and shadows there. Jamie wipes the blood off his face. There are gauze bandages in the medicine cabinet, square white smiles that Jamie tapes onto him. Jamie smells like ink. Nicholas thinks his teeth might not fall out after all.

Penelope is singing the Goldfish song when they get out of the bathroom, and her mouth looks funny. It's too round, like she's surprised that she's singing at all. She stops when she sees them, and then says, "Um."

Jamie says, "He fell out of a tree. Do you have any painkillers?"

"Uh, I have codeine."

Nicholas grins. He probably still has blood between his teeth. Penelope smiles back. He says, "That thing. With your mouth." Speaking hurts more than he thought it would.

"Yeah, my voice teacher told me, try to make my mouth a cathedral. Like, tall roof, the air can collect there and hum to itself and the sound is richer when it comes out. Or something, I don't know. She said cathedral."

He'd like to have a cathedral in his mouth. Right now it would have blood all over, but most days it would be clean and shiny and full of sound. He smiles again and walks toward the living room. Penelope starts singing in another language, and it sounds like apricots.

He's sitting on the couch and watching the blank television screen when Jamie comes in with the codeine. Nicholas's face buzzes. His mouth aches when he swallows the pill. He should brush his teeth or rinse his mouth out but he just wants to not move again ever.

"How do you feel?" Jamie asks.

Nicholas says, "Like the spaceship landed." He leans his head back and breathes.

-

He wakes with his head tilted near Jamie's shoulder, and with bugs on the television. There's a weird clicking noise coming from somewhere. Maybe it's coming from from inside his head. Maybe there are bugs behind his eyes and Jamie's really watching Duck Tales or something. Nicholas frowns. He squints at the television, but the bugs stay where they are.

Jamie turns to look at him. His mouth is close to Jamie's nose. Penelope is sitting in a chair by the couch. Nicholas says, "Bugs?"

Jamie smiles. Penelope says, "Microcosmos. It's famous."

Nicholas says, "Hn," and tips his head closer to Jamie's shoulder. He wonders for a second if it came unstuck from his body, but when he reaches up his neck is still there.

On the screen, a beetle is pushing a ball of earth over rocks. Jamie says, "Little dung beetle, hard at work."

Penelope says, "Look, he's pushing it backwards. What a drag. How does he know where he's going?"

There's a stain shaped like a grasshopper on one of the couch cushions. Nicholas traces it with a finger. It could jump up at him if it wanted, or sit on his shoulder and sing. Maybe it's watching television also.

The scene changes. Now a bird is pecking at an ant hill, the ants climbing over each other to get away. Penelope says, "That's a pheasant, right?"

"Or a really freaky rooster," Jamie says. Nicholas slides his head so that it's resting on Jamie's shoulder, his nose pressed into Jamie's neck. Jamie tenses for a second, and his hands fidget with the sleeve of his jacket till Nicholas pokes him on the wrist.

"He's, like, eating the legs and leaving everything else," Penelope says. "That's not nutritious."

Jamie says, "Yeah," and Nicholas can feel it buzzing in his head. Penelope is singing Particle Man when he falls asleep again.

-

When Nicholas wakes up the television is off and Penelope is gone. He can't tell if Jamie is asleep or awake. Jamie smells of fabric, of wool and fuzzballs and cotton. Nicholas sits up, and when he looks over Jamie is looking back at him. Nicholas feels like he's underwater. He half-falls back toward Jamie's shoulder and on the way there Jamie opens his mouth to say something and Nicholas kisses him.

Jamie's mouth is salty and dry, like a pretzel. He pushes at Nicholas's arm a little, fingers tangling in Nicholas's shirt, and when Nicholas sits back he says, "Look, hey," but he lets Nicholas kiss him again.

When they stop kissing, Jamie says, "You're so high." His voice is scratchy.

Nicholas says, "I so am."

"This is the codeine, I'm making out with codeine."

He smiles. The tape on the gauze makes a shushing sound. "Yeah."

It's dark outside the windows. Nicholas is thirsty. He doesn't know where his shoes are. They might be under the couch, or by the front door. The clock makes tocking noises, and Jamie sits on the couch watching him. Nicholas walks to the front room to get his jacket and finds his shoes there, tumbled over each other with the heels tucked in. He walks back, and Jamie hasn't moved. Nicholas taps him on the top of the head, making his hair shuffle and sigh, and then leaves for home.

-

Anna calls. She says, "I had this dream about pinwheels. Like, you and I had a market stall. Pinwheels and whirligigs. And one day they got pissed because you never paid attention to them, you were always balancing the books and never gave them any love."

Nicholas says, "So what happened?" His face under the gauze pad is itching. If he were making the dream, there'd have been love suicides or giant killer Venus flytraps that the pinwheels sacrificed him to. They'd have chained him in the garage until he promised to buy them flowers. He tries to scratch under the pad without making his face bleed again.

"They sulked. I woke up before there were any definite plans."

"Huh."

"So," she says. He can hear scratching on the other end of the line, like a pot being scraped. "And what's up with you?"

He says, "I fell out of a tree."

"How'd that work out for you?" Anna asks.

-

Nicholas is in his bedroom eating a soft cookie and reading Where The Wild Things Are. He likes the codeine because it makes him feel hazy, like he's the weather. He's at the part where a forest grows in Max's room, and he thinks he'd like a forest, too. There would be small trees in the corners, and spiderwebs on his bedspread, green and yellow smells, and Jamie would be there.

Jamie would ask, how do you feel, and Nicholas would say, like sour candy, and Jamie would smile and walk over and bite at his collarbone and lick under his ear. He would push Nicholas against one of the trees, they wouldn't be big enough to fall out of, and put a hand on Nicholas's stomach, tucking his thumb into Nicholas's waistband and letting the heat of it and the crinkle of his fingers drive Nicholas a little crazy. Nicholas would try to smile back but his face would hurt so he'd just stand there. After a while Jamie would put one hand in Nicholas's front pocket and unbutton Nicholas's jeans with the other hand, and Nicholas would press the back of his head into the tree trunk. Nicholas would watch his four walls and the forest there and try to breathe.

-

Anna wants to go to the bookstore. Nicholas can't drive under the influence, and Anna isn't going for her driver's test for another few months, so Jamie takes them both. Nicholas sits on the hump in the back. He leans over the arm-rest and pulls feathers from Anna's down jacket. Jamie puts a Tom Waits mix in the tape deck, and they listen to Burma Shave and Walking Spanish before he parks the car.

The carpet in the bookstore is red and smoky. Nicholas feels funny, walking on it. He brushed his teeth this morning and gargled with salt water, but he still has the thick, uneven taste of blood in his mouth. He watches his feet as he walks, his sneakers and the floor. Shoes are funny, especially his. Sometimes Nicholas looks down and expects to see slices for the toes.

Anna is looking for My Inventions by Tesla, or Bill Bryson or a history of absinthe. Jamie is looking for books on mythology. Nicholas is looking.

Jamie asks, "How do you feel?"

"Like a slinky."

The collar of Jamie's jacket is crumpled awkwardly under his ear. Nicholas feels folded but it's not the same. He reaches up to uncrinkle it and then leaves his fingers on Jamie's neck. Jamie breathes in and his neck goes tense and he doesn't move.

Jamie's skin is warm on his hand. Nicholas leans toward him and Jamie says, "Look, would you just," and pushes his hand away. Nicholas shrugs, and walks over to the Tolkein shelf. Jamie goes toward the manga.

The Silmarillion is all strange colors. The cover looks bruised. Nicholas wonders if it fell out of a tree like he did. He wants to buy it, but doesn't. It would just get more bruised on his bookshelf at home. He waits for Anna at the end of the checkout counter, next to the security guard and the chocolate-covered coffee beans.

There's a machine outside the bookstore that says it can tell your fortune for a quarter. Nicholas stops to check his pockets, but Jamie and Anna keep walking.

-

His parents are out for the night, so Nicholas has to make dinner for himself. Anna left already but Jamie says Nicholas will burn his fingers off if he isn't supervised, and stays. Nicholas wants to make stew.

Jamie chops onions. Nicholas doesn't like them. Sliced onions look like bitten fingernails, and chopping them makes his eyes hurt. He likes the beef and celery, the colors they make, obscene reddish-purple and crisp greeny-white. Nicholas wobbles around the kitchen, looking for a knife and the extra cutting board, and sets a pot on the stove. The only clean pot in the house is a giant aluminum tub with skinny handles and a hole in the bottom. Liquid drips down while the stew is cooking and makes a spitting sound when it hits the burner.

Jamie is wearing a shirt with a mushroom on it that says, "Fungi To Be With" in spindly black letters. Watching him makes Nicholas feel heavy and bright, like fire on the stove. He remembers his mom one time saying that she never liked to cook with aluminum spatulas because the metal would sink into the food and poison it. He looks at the stew pot and says, "We can't eat that."

"What?"

"We can't, the aluminum's gonna hurt somebody, we need to find something else to cook it in."

There's a large pyrex bowl in one of the lower cupboards, just big enough to hold all the stew without spilling. Jamie says that the glass will break, but Nicholas thinks it will be fine. It sits on the stove and the stew bubbles. Jamie has gone into the dining room to set the table, and Nicholas is leaning against the counter, floating in his head, when he hears a crunching, splattering sound and the bowl breaks and spills stew all over the floor.

Nicholas walks over and turns off the burner. He doesn't think Jamie heard the glass break, and calls toward the dining room, "Jamie."

"Yeah?"

He says, "The stew is bleeding."

They strain out the largest pieces of glass with a colander. It's hilarious, Nicholas can't stop laughing. He has a little dish sitting beside his stew bowl in case he finds more glass while he's eating. Jamie says the glass will slice his mouth open, or lacerate his insides, and maybe that's so.

-

Jamie is clearing away dishes and cups and silverware and he has his hands full. He is gravity. Nicholas gets up to help, but Jamie is just standing there staring at the floor.

Nicholas says, "Hey."

Jamie doesn't answer, so Nicholas walks over kisses him. Jamie makes a funny sound, like an "oh" wrapped in cloth, and Nicholas closes his eyes and pushes Jamie against the wall of the dining room. The bowl Jamie is holding digs into his arm.

The room smells dusty from the heater, but the wall under Nicholas's hand is cold. He wonders if Jamie's too cold but Jamie doesn't say anything, just keeps kissing him and kissing him, so he figures it's okay. The inside of Jamie's mouth is grainy with glass and celery. Nicholas feels fuzzy, like his arms and legs are melting, and his whole body is warm except where his hand touches the wall. He unzips Jamie's jeans and pulls his boxers down, and Jamie doesn't stop him.

Nicholas starts jerking him off, somewhere between slow and fast. Jamie rocks his hips forward and makes these soft sounds like it feels good, like maybe Nicholas is doing this okay, and Nicholas hums a little back at him, feeling it buzz where his mouth touches Jamie's mouth. He can hear the clock in the kitchen as it chimes the hour. He starts counting the gongs to find out what time it is, but then Jamie makes a thick, happy sound in his throat and comes, and Nicholas loses count.

He stands there for moment, his knuckles pushed into Jamie's stomach, before going to sit at the dining room table. He breathes in through his nose. Jamie says, "fuck. fuck," and puts his wrists up to his neck, and the spoons he's holding get caught in his hair. Jamie's not angry; Nicholas doesn't know what he is. The room doesn't smell like dust anymore.

Jamie walks into the kitchen, puts the dishes in the sink, and rinses them. Nicholas is still hard. He watches Jamie's hands: covered in water, holding sponges and ceramic. Jamie says, "I'm going home," and Nicholas looks at the sink and doesn't answer.

-

The room is cold and there's too much light. Nicholas pulls the covers over his head and curls up like a snail, squinting at the hazy shapes the sheets make around him. His hand is half-covered by his green blanket so that it looks like a shoe. He wants to call Jamie, but doesn't know what he'd talk about. Potato chips and drag racing. Or he'd ask Jamie to make out with him again. Jamie probably wouldn't say yes.

-

Nicholas is at home and there's a knock at the door. When he opens it a police officer is standing there. She says, "Nicholas Melon?"

Nicholas forgot to take his pain pills this morning. His face wants to tear open down one side. He says, "Um. Yeah?" and follows her outside when she asks. They walk three blocks west.

He finds his car crouching, lifeless, in the middle of the intersection at Heather and Window, with the police car standing guard behind it. Some of his neighbors have stepped onto their porches to watch. Nicholas looks at his car, which is absolutely not where he left it, and says, "Wait. Wait."

She says, "We can push it back to your driveway, and then you'll have to sign some papers. You can't leave it here, this could cause accidents."

Nicholas tries pushing the car with her, but his hands keep slipping off, and the pain in his mouth is distracting him. He says, apologetically, "I fell out of a tree," and then says, "I'm going to make a phone call." The cell phone is in his pocket. He uses it to call Jamie.

"Hey," Jamie says. "How do you feel?"

Nicholas breathes out. It echoes through the phone receiver. "Like my car got stolen."

Jamie comes over and helps the police officer push his car back into his driveway, and then Nicholas has to sign a paper saying his car is gone. He sits on the hood and leans the paper on his knee to write his name. Nicholas takes the next paper, which says his car has officially been found and returned, and signs it also. The police officer leaves, and Jamie jumps up to sit next to Nicholas on the hood, one of his hands curled next to Nicholas's leg.

"I don't," Nicholas says, "should I be pissed off that it got stolen? It happened when I was asleep."

Jamie shakes his head. "I have absolutely no idea what's going on."

Nicholas knocks his leg against Jamie's hand. He wishes he'd taken some painkillers before he went out. He says, "I have this system, um. When you cut the alarm wires, the engine won't start."

"So, okay. Wait."

"And whoever must not have wanted to wake me, like if the alarm had gone off before they cut the wires." Nicholas runs a hand through his hair. He wants to kiss Jamie again, but his mouth hurts and people could be looking. "I think I should maybe be relieved. Except I wasn't worried."

Jamie starts laughing. "Fucking brilliant," he says.

-

Jamie's hair has fallen into his eyes. The sun is going sideways over his nose, so his smile looks prickly and too big for his face. Nicholas says, "Come inside."

"Look --"

"It's not like my parents are there."

Jamie shakes his head. "That's not it." But he lets Nicholas pull him inside.

The bottle of codeine pills is sitting on the kitchen counter. Nicholas picks it up and shakes it, listening to the rattle inside.

Jamie says, "You're still taking those?" He sits on the counter and kicks his feet out. "How do you feel?"

"Like a pelican."

Jamie smiles. "Like a stoned pelican. With a head wound."

"Exactly," Nicholas says, and takes the pill with water.

Jamie sits there for a moment, watching him. He kicks his feet, and watches, and Nicholas takes a drink of water and stands there and watches him back. After a moment, Jamie nods. He jumps off the counter and walks over. Nicholas still has water in his mouth, it's on his tongue and between his teeth, and when Jamie kisses him his mouth opens a little in surprise and water dribbles down his chin and under the collar of his shirt. Jamie tastes like the water, like nothing, and their mouths are slippery and keep sliding around and lining up wrong.

After a moment Jamie pulls away and Nicholas just stands there, breathing, and then he wipes his chin off with his wrist and Jamie walks into the living room. They sit on opposite sides of the couch and Nicholas stares at the couch cushions. He wishes he could find a grasshopper there. He can't think whether to kiss Jamie again or ask if he wants to watch television.